GROWING OLD SUCKS

I looked forward to growing old, a time where a person with a lifetime of experiences, gains some elegance and develops a little dignity before he deteriorates into a blithering idiot and is relegated to spend his remaining days in a wheelchair or propped up in a hospital bed. I hope that this would last no more than a week or so. If that time comes, I hope I have my rope at hand. I think spending your last days bedridden would be a hell-on-earth experience. Although I spend a large portion of my days in bed now, the difference is, I am capable of getting out of it.

Well, I have had my lifetime of experiences. Now, where is the elegance and dignity due me? It is gone, non-existent. How can one be elegant and have dignity when he has more hair growing from his nose and ears than he has on his head?

I work hard to keep my body healthy and my mind active and alert. However, only half of this is doing well. The body part is working fine, most of it anyway. It is the senses that are deteriorating to a disturbing state. Some, I am well aware of; others have snuck up on me and clubbed me where it hurts worst. Who knows what lurks ahead?

Sight

I have been wearing glasses ever since I was twelve, so, this was no surprise. I figured my vision would continue to degenerate as it has all my life. A couple years ago, my optometrist informed me that I had glaucoma.

He said, "It's a treatable ailment, but not yet curable. It's a disease that eventually leads to blindness. Here, put these eye drops in both eyes every night. Here's another to put in your left eye each morning. That eye is already half gone. There is no cure for Glaucoma. The drops only slow it down. Glaucoma takes about 40 years before it causes blindness. At your age, you are likely to outlive it, except for your left eye. There is not much hope for that one. Come back in six months."

What the hay, blindness does not worry me. I have already seen all I care to see of this world. I am already practicing how to do things with my eyes closed, so I will be ready for it. That is if my mind does not decide to take a permanent vacation.

Sound

I have also been aware of my slow loss of hearing since I retired from the Air Force back in 1976. They told me my hearing was not up to par. "You shouldn't have any problems though." Yea, right. What they failed to inform me of was this loss of hearing came from working around piercing high-pitched sound or jet aircraft for the past 20 years, most of it without proper protection, i.e., ear plugs. the military did not enforce the use of ear protection during the early part of my career. They said. "The only problem you might encounter is, you may have difficulty understanding women on the phone." Thus, they did not allow me any compensation for my loss of hearing. I though little about it. I never understood women any way.

I was not aware of how much I had missed until I had to get hearing aids about ten years ago. I am a bird fancier and had not realized how much of their lovely songs and chirps I had missed. Now I can sit in my back yard and listen to them sing and call to their mates.

Thirty years after retiring, I reapplied for my loss of hearing and they added another twenty percent to my service generated disabilities. That means twenty percent more of my retirement check is tax-free. Hey, every little bit helps.

Okay, that is two senses I have augmented with man's technology. What follows has little hope of aiding or overcoming.

Smell

I have never given any thought to losing my sense of smell either, until a few weeks ago, when a tenant in one of my apartments moved out. She was a smoker and had lived there 5 years. To say the apartment needed renovated is a gross understatement. Long story short, everyone who came in to give me a quote on different things said they could tell the ex-tenant was a smoker. This struck me odd, because I could not sense that odor. I could smell the fresh paint after the painters finished, and I noted the odor of fresh carpet.

I went to the internet and was surprised that we can lose our sense of smell. I did not dig too deep, but I surmised that my smoking for 40 years might have had something to do with it. If I were a believer, I would say the big guy above was making me pay for defiling my personal temple,(this makes me wonder how do all those preachers and high religious officials justify their smoking. habits).

Taste

I am becoming more aware of my lack of ability to taste things now. Anymore, my objective in eating is to stuff my gut every few hours to curb the bouts of nauseous that come from not eating enough. I no longer enjoy food, only stuffing my gullet, which sometimes, in my haste to fill the void, causes me to choke. It reminds me of a stray dog wolfing down a tasty find. I have to take caution when I eat out or people will see the animal I have become.

Touch

Losing the sense of touch is not beyond the realm of possibility. Although this affliction is not a disorder only of the elderly, many old-folks fall prey to it because they encounter situations that bring on the condition, i.e., injury, illness, traumatic brain injury, strokes and so on. As of yet, I have not encountered this ailment.

Memory

This is the big one, and few escape it. With me, it seems to escalate hourly despite the fact that I follow all the suggestions to improve it. I exercise, eat the proper healthy food, drink healthy liquids, and take the required supplements. I keep my mind as well as my body active; mostly running back and forth from the computer or television to the refrigerator. Just a few minutes ago, I ventured forth to grab a handful of healthy nuts. I even meditate. Falling asleep at the computer or while watching the television is a form of meditation, is it not?

All I know is, getting old sucks. If anyone has any good suggestions, please pass them on. I would appreciate it. Thanks and have a pleasant day.

Ray