SEARCHING FOR AN IDENTITY

Am I an atheist or what?

A few years back, I finally realized I was, and probably always have been, a disbeliever in any god. It was no big revelation, i.e., I did not jump up and down with glee and scream out that I had finally seen the light. I did realize I was not a Christian. However, that too, was no big revelation. I had shunned religion most of my life. Twice I married religious women, one of which was a hard-shell fanatic and a blatant gossiper, two things I dislike with a passion. Of course, this did not make my decision an easy task. I have never met or known a non-believer until a couple weeks ago. As a kid I had overheard adults talking about those devil worshiping atheist. It wasn't that. I just felt in my heart that there was no god, or at least, I felt all the gods people worship only exist in their minds. If there is a god, there is only one.

A need to fit in a category

Man needs to know where everyone is coming from, figuratively and literally. One feels comfortable around others who think and act alike. Thus, it stirs up fewer complications. Knowing just what you are or what you believe in stretches back beyond our cave dwelling ancestors.

Back then our precursors lived in small bands, it was crucial that all knew what each member of the clan was. What each could do, how each reacted to outside stimulus. This was crucial to the survival of the band. Every member depended on every other member. Chasing a herd of mammoths over a cliff required the cooperation of all members. Their existence demanded it. They had to outsmart their gods who provided them with nourishment. These days our gods demand sacrificial offerings, in whatever form, to feed them.

Since it is human nature for us to paste labels on our foreheads, I felt obligated to figure out just what it was that I was. What category of disbelief should I wear on my chest? I dare not offend anyone.

I spent a few days searching the internet. I narrowed my choices down to two, i.e., atheist or agnostic. I found that agnostics only doubted the existence of gods. Knowing a god or gods do not exist is not provable. However, atheists knew no gods exist. They say a god's existence is not provable. Something else irked me about these two groups. Like different religions, these two nonreligious groups consist of many levels of disbelief. Nothing seems easy in this world. There are too many shades of gray, and everyone believes their shade is the only true shade.

Decisions, decisions, what is I?

I did not have the slightest idea what an agnostic was when I started my research. I thought atheists were devil worshipers. My parents planted that in my pea brain when I was a child.

Personally, I dislike labels. I am Me, i.e., I belong to a special group of Me. Me alone, different from all others. That is not good enough. They say I must be either an agnostic or an atheist.

Having a label, one can say, "Ah, yes. You are an atheist, an agnostic, a Protestant, a Catholic or a Buddhist. I see what you are. I do not like what you are, because what you think is wrong. What I think is better.

I did not like this, but I could accept it. This seemed simple enough so I sighed up for a title of agnostic. Atheist seemed a little strong for me.

However, some want more. They need to delve deeper into just what level of whatever you are, and it goes on and on until they know the exact seat you sit in when you attend services at your preferred house of warship.

So, it went with me. I first labeled myself an agnostic because I no longer believed there is a god, i.e., none of the gods people warship on this planet anyway. I felt there might be a god out there somewhere. Who knows? We still have a lot to learn about our world, our galaxy, our universe. For a while, this pacified me. As I studied further, I felt I had to be more specific. Atheists condemn agnostics. They say agnostics are weaklings, cowards, too scared to take a firm stand.

These are fighting words to a 20-year war veteran. I studied more. I relented and took the position of an atheist. However, as I said, like different denominations of religious groups, so it goes with atheist and agnostics groups. I dug deeper. I still believe all the gods humans worship are nonexistent.

Once again, I categorize myself as a nonbeliever. I never felt comfortable being an atheist. Like some religions, they seem too fanatical. I do not allow myself to become fanatical about anything. Fanaticism is one reason why I wandered from my religious beliefs. A fanatic cannot see clearly. Fanatic disbelievers are no better than are blind faith followers. Extremism does not allow one to see logically.

Coming to terms

Who am I to say there are positively no gods out there somewhere? When we are able to see beyond our universe, we may know more about gods. Maybe by then we all will realize we need no god to affirm our existence. Maybe by then we will learn how to exist peacefully instead of killing each other because of our beliefs or lack of them. Maybe by then we will find the true God out there and learn why it placed us here and then forgot us. Thanks and have a pleasant day. Ray

Bible Study Lesson One

GENESIS 1

Interpreting the Bible is a difficult task. Most everyone who reads or studies it has his/her own opinion, and that opinion may change each time one rereads it. I have listened to many preachers give a sermon on one verse of the Bible, taking up to an hour explaining what he thought that verse meant. Do you think this is why there are so many different religious groups in the world today? They continue to grow, and I believe that new groups will continue to form until the end, as will new versions of the Bible. Man cannot let well enough alone.

This is my attempt to interpret each verse of Genesis 1. If I could just stop rereading passages, maybe I could finish this article. So dig out your good book and dust it off. I am using a 1979, copyrighted authorized King James Version of the Bible. My numbered paragraphs correspond to it. I have checked two other version of the Bible and they say pretty much the same thing. No matter how it is written, people will believe what they want to believe and disregard everything else.

1- My first question is what came before the beginning? Where did this god come from? This sentence is the premise of chapter 1 of Genesis. Like all stories, it begins with a hook to draw us into the story. Some bible pundits say it is merely a note put there by those religious scribes who took it upon themselves to transcribe the supposedly ancient writings that they later burned. This selfish act has always befuddled me. After studying it, I suspect their reason was they wanted no one else deciphering those scripts. They, the scribes, were an evil bunch who imprisoned and even killed anyone who criticized their work, or changed or copied it. They remind me of our legislators in Washington, who believe they know what is best for us.

I imagine God and his cronies were getting weary just floating around in huge clouds over the many billions of trillions of whatever they used to measure time, because God had not yet invented time, however, Bishop Ussher, whomever he is, figured out it was on Sunday, Oct. 23 4004 BC when God began his creation thing. Of course, other religions leaders dispute this and have their own dates. Martin Luther put it in 3960 BC, and the Jewish Tradition figured it was in 3761 BC. You see, no one can agree on anything. Personally, this does not impress me. I think they all were only seeking notoriety.

I believe I milked all I could out of that 10-word sentence, so let us move on.

2- This was before God did anything. He and his cronies, it is mentioned later in Gen: 1-26, that he was not alone, or maybe he was alone and he first created his cohorts for company and forgot to mention it. They were in space just hanging out not doing anything in particular, when it hit him that he would like to make up something to entertain himself and his buddies, start an ant farm you might say. It must have been dull roving about in darkness.

Day one.

3- The first thing he did was to light up the heavens. Well, it is about time. He must have blinded everyone with the sudden brightness. Can you imagine floating around empty space in total darkness? Where did the light come from? Did someone flip a switch and to light up the universe? Keep this in mind, this is the first time he called for light. The Bible seems to repeat things numerous times before moving on and again throughout the book.

4- This must have been temporary lighting, a sort of construction lighting up his building site. He must have surprised himself too. How did he divide the light from the dark? Was the entire universe lit up or just that portion where he and his friends congregated? Later he installs the sun and moon to light up his creation.

5- So what we have thus far is light, darkness and wet clouds massing about with a bunch of space dust and crap. He named the light Day and the darkness Night. These are not the sun and moon yet, I think. He installs them later. We still call them that. It appears a day only includes the evening and the morning. What happened to the rest of the day? Anyway, this ended day one.

Day Two

6- Now, he gathered or had his helpers gather a bunch of space dust and debris, i.e., all the nasty crap cluttering up their habitation, and placed it between two layers of water. It sounds to me that he is calling out orders to his helpers.

7- He takes over and begins forming his masterpiece. We have a glob of dirt trapped between two massive clouds of water. Okay, are we getting somewhere? Keep in mind, back then everyone thought the earth was flat and surrounded by water that dribbled over the edges of whatever anchored it in space. I wonder, did God know Earth was a ball shaped mass?

8- Thus ends day two. Did it end in the morning of the third day or the evening of the second day? At first, I thought the firmament was the dirt, but it is the sky. Firmament: The vault or expanse of the heavens; the sky. Well, sure, everyone knows that, even us evil atheists. We just don't believe what is going on there. So, our dirt is surrounded by the heavens and pressed between two layers of water. He named this firmament, Heaven. How many of you believe we are in Heaven? This is another touchy area, where many disagree. God called it heaven, yet many call it a living hell.

Day Three

9- Okay, he pushes the upper and lower masses of water together forcing our glob of dirt to pop up out of the water all dry and pristine. Halleluiah, the heavens just gave birth to Earth. Are we poking out of the top or from the bottom? All this time we could be standing upside down. I still think he is giving orders to his work group. He only steps in to make final changes.

10- What need would he have to speak? All he had to do was pass his hand over the mass of the deep. Yeah, I've seen those aliens on the TV series ROSWELL do things like that. They did not have to speak. They just held up their hands and, poof, things exploded, disappeared or just fell into dust. I seen it happen right there on TV. The TV doesn't lie, does it. He checks out everything, gives himself a pat on the back and names earth, Earth and the water Seas. Would that be the Red Sea or the Black Sea or both?

11- I assume here earth means dirt rather than Earth the planet. Does that mean the seed was already upon the earth? Or was it self-pollinating plants because there was not yet any animals or insects required to pollinate some plants.

12- The seeds took root and sprang up. I wish my garden grew that fast. He gives himself another pat on the back.

13- When did the day start back then? I assume the third day is over. Maybe with the construction lights burning, he couldn't tell day from night. He has not yet created the sun and moon

Day Four

14- What happened to the first light divided by darkness? Did someone forget to pay the power bill?

Oh yes, this was the Sun and Moon and he put them right in the firmament. We humans are still searching for the edge of our firmament. We may someday, see the first light he created and what separates it from darkness. Maybe he was talking about the darkness some of us none-believers fall in.

15- Still giving orders, he confirmed that it was so. That was sweet, Earth had its own Sun and Moon for light.

16- He overdid this light thing, and adding the stares seemed almost an afterthought. No wonder believers talk about seeing the light so much. It seems to be a big thing for their god. The Sun rules the day, but the Moon does not always rule the night.

17- Next, he places them, just so, in the heavens to light up the earth

18- Again, he orders them to rule over day and night and to divide the light from the darkness. The Bible repeats itself so much it becomes irritating. Yeah you did a great job there, God, keep up the good work. We are just about there. All that is left is putting in some beasts, creatures and of course, some lab subjects for him to torment. Things he can manipulate control and play havoc on. That would be humans made in his image.

19- That's four days now. Are you keeping count?

Day Five

20- Creatures that hath life?????? This is where science and religion agree. All live began in the waters. Fowl that may fly?????? Yep, we certainly have plenty of these and we have seen to it that we eliminated more than our fair share of them. We are supposed to care for them, not eradicate them.

21- I recon this is referring the creatures and fowl in 19 and 20. He may have thought it was good, one wonders how many tears he had shed by now, assuming there was or is a god. How many of these have we eradicated?

22- Okay, he blessed them told them to have a lot of sex. Fill up them skies, waters and dirt. Is blessing them the same as baptizing them?

23- That's the end of day five. He made all the creatures that hath life and all the fowls that that fly. What about the ones that do not fly. Maybe they came along later.

Day Six

24- He gives more commands and makes more creatures that live, cattle, snakes and lizards and beast that roam the land.

25- He is still making beast, cattle and snakes. He gives himself another at-a-boy and makes sure all is well.

26- Here, he consults with his cronies. "Let us make man in our image." This is the statement that indicates God was not alone and even had help constructing his creating. At least here is where he or they are creating man. This is where I had a question about creating us in their likeness. My thoughts were, if God created man in his likeness, we would be more alike than we are. God and his comrades must have come from different places. Do not tell me that man evolved after God created them. It takes more than a few thousand years to evolve into what we are.

Then, after he created all the different creatures, he wants man to take care of them. "There I made them for you, now you care of them."

I do not think we have done such a good job. However, I think we are finally realizing how badly we have screwed up our world. I do not believe we should eat those who share our world with us, especially since we subject them to such horrendous conditions before we invite them to our tables. If there is a Hell, there is where 99.9% of us will end up.

27- This is the sixth day, and remember this now, he made male and female at the same time in his image. His cohorts must have backed out of the deal. He said it three times, so he must have made bunches of them.

This is the first mention of a female of any kind. This is what some believe is the first creation. If we view this as a chronological story, that would be correct. I mentioned before that most things are repeated at least three times in this confusing book.

28- He blessed them and told them to have plenty of sex too. He told them to replenish the earth, which indicates that there were men and women before. Maybe he did away with his buddies who could have been his first subjects. Replenish also means to fill. He told them to control the earth. That must mean the dirt, not the planet Earth. Just make gardens, you fools. God was fond of gardens.

29- I give you all these herbs and all these fruit trees. This is a confusing one. Does "it shall be for meat" mean man should eat it as meat or use herbs to flavor meat, or did he want everyone to be vegetarians? If he gave man all the herbs to use, does the include marijuana? We seem to be using the hell out of it at this time.

30- Well, he is putting emphases of the herbs. He was either a vegetarian or a hippy. He wants everything to partake of the herb, even those creepy crawling things. Maybe he meant caterpillars and such. did that mean even the beast were to eat herbs, or maybe he meant ultimately the herb eaters would end up as meat for the meat eaters.

31- Okay that is the end of t he sixth day. He created all the animals, fishes and herbs, a Human male and female and all was good.

It is obvious why there are so many different religious sects in the world. I feel certain there are many, including other nonbelievers who will disagree with my interpretation here. Good for you, if you disagree, you are studying it some, or at least reading it. I have learned a lot myself. I have read it many times but never in this fashion of interpreting almost every word.

In lesson 2, we will learn about God's special garden, Adam takes Eve for his wife and they frolic naked through the garden. I may not elaborate so much there. Then again, maybe I will. I am not committing to anything. This exercise has worn me slap out. If you have a different opinion, let me know. Or, if you just want to cuss me out, I can handle that too. Thanks and have a pleasant Day.

Ray.