Noah and the ark

Noah and the ark

A personal interpretation

A wondrous tale

The story of Noah and the Ark is undoubtedly the most popular story in the Bible and is a great favorite of children, probably because of all the cute animals, and children will accept just about anything an adult tells them. It also has to be the most ludicrous, written by an ignorant person and meant for the ignorant people of that time. What is so amazing is, intelligent educated people of today believe the events of this story actually happened.

Stretching the truth

Noah, if there ever was such a character, was supposed to have lived to be 950 years. Someone screwed up here. They misconstrued the meaning of years. It was probably the number of months (900 months divided by 12 would be just over 79 years). This is more believable. He would have been fifty in the year of the flood, not six hundred. Living to the age of six hundred and only having three sons is highly unlikely. As a believer, back in my early twenties, I was gullible. I thought God blessed His favorites and allowed them to live longer. You know, have lots of sex, and produce many offspring. That seems not to be the case with Noah.

A personal example

I remember back when I was an ignorant Pennsylvania Hillbilly, and my wife was an ignorant West Virginia Hillbilly. In the first 6 years of our marriage, we had produced five kids. My poor wife only had one normal menstrual flow during that period. So it is unbelievable that a married couple only produced three offspring in six hundred years, unless they produced a couple hundred females they failed to mention in the story. You know, female births were not worthy of mention.

So Noah's age is unbelievable. It is pure myth how people lived for a thousand or so years back then, but it makes for a great story detail

Too much cursing

Originally, His creations were supposed to live for eternity. However, His evil litter critters would not do his bidding. Well, He would show them a thing or two.

God cursed them and punished them for their evil deeds. He shortened their lifespan and sent them packing after he killed and skinned a few animals to make clothing to cover their nasty bodies.

That is a lot of crap

One would imagine that the animal and human waste might have grown knee deep to a tall giraffe by then. With only one small window that had to be kept closed to keep the birds from escaping through it. There could not have been many clean ones in the bunch, maybe a few birds that roosted on the rafters or on the antlers and horns of some of the cattle. Can you imagine how those beasts looked after a year of milling around below flocks of roosting birds?

Then, god remembered Noah and all the animals were still floating about out there on the floodwaters. He took a deep breath and blew away the waters, which took another 10 months to dry up. Noah finely opened the window and sent out a couple birds to see if the waters had dried up.

After another week or so, God finally spoke to Noah. "You and your family get off that boat and turn all those animals loose." He promised Noah, his family, and all the animals that he would never again destroy everything with a flood. He signed the covenant with a rainbow. Wasn't that cute? Noah was so happy to get off that crummy floating zoo, that he builded an altar.

A savory sacrifice

After saving the animals to replenish the earth, Noah decided it was more important to sacrifice some as burnt offerings to the Lord rather than let them reproduce and replenish. They had little else to do during their cruise and time spent on the ark, some may have already reproduced. Personally, I think he was tired of cleaning up after them and satisfied his frustration by killing some of the more bothersome critters. Have you ever wondered how they kept the meat-eating beasts from having a midnight snack every so often, or how did they keep the birds from eating the bugs?

Killing the best of the lot

Noah took all clean beasts and fowls and made a burnt sacrifice to God. What was he thinking? They just spent a year saving all those critters to replenish earth. Now he kills all the good ones and burns them up. What a waste.

The Lord caught the sweet scent of burning flesh and realized He screwed up again. He promised Himself He would never smite all life again for man's sake, for man is evil from his youth. He seems to have forgotten, He. is the one responsible for man's evil hearts Did He not curse them from the very beginning when Eve sucked the juice from the apple and then fed it to Adam. Getting high floating around in the clouds must have played havoc with his memory.

Finally, He blessed Noah and his sons for their assistance and urged them to be fruitful and multiply. Not one good word for those lazy women though.

Noah and his wife must not have gotten together very often. Until then, the 600-year-old-man had only produced three offspring. Are you kidding me? This is another indication that the reference to his age was in months, not years. He seemed a poor choice for someone to replenish humankind. Maybe his sons were better at producing offspring.

A drunken nudist

After the flood ordeal, Noah became a grape-stomping wino. What is the big fuss over Noah's sons seeing him drunk and naked? I thought those people back then went naked more than they did clothed, or, is it they can't be naked and drunk at t he same time?

Conclusion

Noah and the ark is but a fable created by people who believed Earth was a flat piece of dirt floating around beneath the heavens where the gods and their cronies gathered to manipulate man, and have sex with the daughters of men. That is what brought on this kill-everything-flood-deal. God's sons were sleeping with, and even taking them as wives, the daughters of men. Yet, He blames the evil women, not His precious sons. This reminds me. Who was God's wife? According to some, Asherah, is the answer. Were they married or did they just shack up. Remember now, how the sons of God lusted after the daughters of men. It's in the Bible, damn it! Sons usually follow in the footsteps of their father.

That's my opinion. What's yours. 

GROWING OLD SUCKS

I looked forward to growing old, a time where a person with a lifetime of experiences, gains some elegance and develops a little dignity before he deteriorates into a blithering idiot and is relegated to spend his remaining days in a wheelchair or propped up in a hospital bed. I hope that this would last no more than a week or so. If that time comes, I hope I have my rope at hand. I think spending your last days bedridden would be a hell-on-earth experience. Although I spend a large portion of my days in bed now, the difference is, I am capable of getting out of it.

Well, I have had my lifetime of experiences. Now, where is the elegance and dignity due me? It is gone, non-existent. How can one be elegant and have dignity when he has more hair growing from his nose and ears than he has on his head?

I work hard to keep my body healthy and my mind active and alert. However, only half of this is doing well. The body part is working fine, most of it anyway. It is the senses that are deteriorating to a disturbing state. Some, I am well aware of; others have snuck up on me and clubbed me where it hurts worst. Who knows what lurks ahead?

Sight

I have been wearing glasses ever since I was twelve, so, this was no surprise. I figured my vision would continue to degenerate as it has all my life. A couple years ago, my optometrist informed me that I had glaucoma.

He said, "It's a treatable ailment, but not yet curable. It's a disease that eventually leads to blindness. Here, put these eye drops in both eyes every night. Here's another to put in your left eye each morning. That eye is already half gone. There is no cure for Glaucoma. The drops only slow it down. Glaucoma takes about 40 years before it causes blindness. At your age, you are likely to outlive it, except for your left eye. There is not much hope for that one. Come back in six months."

What the hay, blindness does not worry me. I have already seen all I care to see of this world. I am already practicing how to do things with my eyes closed, so I will be ready for it. That is if my mind does not decide to take a permanent vacation.

Sound

I have also been aware of my slow loss of hearing since I retired from the Air Force back in 1976. They told me my hearing was not up to par. "You shouldn't have any problems though." Yea, right. What they failed to inform me of was this loss of hearing came from working around piercing high-pitched sound or jet aircraft for the past 20 years, most of it without proper protection, i.e., ear plugs. the military did not enforce the use of ear protection during the early part of my career. They said. "The only problem you might encounter is, you may have difficulty understanding women on the phone." Thus, they did not allow me any compensation for my loss of hearing. I though little about it. I never understood women any way.

I was not aware of how much I had missed until I had to get hearing aids about ten years ago. I am a bird fancier and had not realized how much of their lovely songs and chirps I had missed. Now I can sit in my back yard and listen to them sing and call to their mates.

Thirty years after retiring, I reapplied for my loss of hearing and they added another twenty percent to my service generated disabilities. That means twenty percent more of my retirement check is tax-free. Hey, every little bit helps.

Okay, that is two senses I have augmented with man's technology. What follows has little hope of aiding or overcoming.

Smell

I have never given any thought to losing my sense of smell either, until a few weeks ago, when a tenant in one of my apartments moved out. She was a smoker and had lived there 5 years. To say the apartment needed renovated is a gross understatement. Long story short, everyone who came in to give me a quote on different things said they could tell the ex-tenant was a smoker. This struck me odd, because I could not sense that odor. I could smell the fresh paint after the painters finished, and I noted the odor of fresh carpet.

I went to the internet and was surprised that we can lose our sense of smell. I did not dig too deep, but I surmised that my smoking for 40 years might have had something to do with it. If I were a believer, I would say the big guy above was making me pay for defiling my personal temple,(this makes me wonder how do all those preachers and high religious officials justify their smoking. habits).

Taste

I am becoming more aware of my lack of ability to taste things now. Anymore, my objective in eating is to stuff my gut every few hours to curb the bouts of nauseous that come from not eating enough. I no longer enjoy food, only stuffing my gullet, which sometimes, in my haste to fill the void, causes me to choke. It reminds me of a stray dog wolfing down a tasty find. I have to take caution when I eat out or people will see the animal I have become.

Touch

Losing the sense of touch is not beyond the realm of possibility. Although this affliction is not a disorder only of the elderly, many old-folks fall prey to it because they encounter situations that bring on the condition, i.e., injury, illness, traumatic brain injury, strokes and so on. As of yet, I have not encountered this ailment.

Memory

This is the big one, and few escape it. With me, it seems to escalate hourly despite the fact that I follow all the suggestions to improve it. I exercise, eat the proper healthy food, drink healthy liquids, and take the required supplements. I keep my mind as well as my body active; mostly running back and forth from the computer or television to the refrigerator. Just a few minutes ago, I ventured forth to grab a handful of healthy nuts. I even meditate. Falling asleep at the computer or while watching the television is a form of meditation, is it not?

All I know is, getting old sucks. If anyone has any good suggestions, please pass them on. I would appreciate it. Thanks and have a pleasant day.

Ray

United States of America

How great is America, Land of the Free

Home of the Brave?

As a twenty-year veteran, I am sad to admit I am no longer a proud American. Watch this video. Listen closely to the statistics. Does it make you feel proud? Do you want to boast about how great our country is, or how it once was?