SEARCHING FOR AN IDENTITY

Am I an atheist or what?

A few years back, I finally realized I was, and probably always have been, a disbeliever in any god. It was no big revelation, i.e., I did not jump up and down with glee and scream out that I had finally seen the light. I did realize I was not a Christian. However, that too, was no big revelation. I had shunned religion most of my life. Twice I married religious women, one of which was a hard-shell fanatic and a blatant gossiper, two things I dislike with a passion. Of course, this did not make my decision an easy task. I have never met or known a non-believer until a couple weeks ago. As a kid I had overheard adults talking about those devil worshiping atheist. It wasn't that. I just felt in my heart that there was no god, or at least, I felt all the gods people worship only exist in their minds. If there is a god, there is only one.

A need to fit in a category

Man needs to know where everyone is coming from, figuratively and literally. One feels comfortable around others who think and act alike. Thus, it stirs up fewer complications. Knowing just what you are or what you believe in stretches back beyond our cave dwelling ancestors.

Back then our precursors lived in small bands, it was crucial that all knew what each member of the clan was. What each could do, how each reacted to outside stimulus. This was crucial to the survival of the band. Every member depended on every other member. Chasing a herd of mammoths over a cliff required the cooperation of all members. Their existence demanded it. They had to outsmart their gods who provided them with nourishment. These days our gods demand sacrificial offerings, in whatever form, to feed them.

Since it is human nature for us to paste labels on our foreheads, I felt obligated to figure out just what it was that I was. What category of disbelief should I wear on my chest? I dare not offend anyone.

I spent a few days searching the internet. I narrowed my choices down to two, i.e., atheist or agnostic. I found that agnostics only doubted the existence of gods. Knowing a god or gods do not exist is not provable. However, atheists knew no gods exist. They say a god's existence is not provable. Something else irked me about these two groups. Like different religions, these two nonreligious groups consist of many levels of disbelief. Nothing seems easy in this world. There are too many shades of gray, and everyone believes their shade is the only true shade.

Decisions, decisions, what is I?

I did not have the slightest idea what an agnostic was when I started my research. I thought atheists were devil worshipers. My parents planted that in my pea brain when I was a child.

Personally, I dislike labels. I am Me, i.e., I belong to a special group of Me. Me alone, different from all others. That is not good enough. They say I must be either an agnostic or an atheist.

Having a label, one can say, "Ah, yes. You are an atheist, an agnostic, a Protestant, a Catholic or a Buddhist. I see what you are. I do not like what you are, because what you think is wrong. What I think is better.

I did not like this, but I could accept it. This seemed simple enough so I sighed up for a title of agnostic. Atheist seemed a little strong for me.

However, some want more. They need to delve deeper into just what level of whatever you are, and it goes on and on until they know the exact seat you sit in when you attend services at your preferred house of warship.

So, it went with me. I first labeled myself an agnostic because I no longer believed there is a god, i.e., none of the gods people warship on this planet anyway. I felt there might be a god out there somewhere. Who knows? We still have a lot to learn about our world, our galaxy, our universe. For a while, this pacified me. As I studied further, I felt I had to be more specific. Atheists condemn agnostics. They say agnostics are weaklings, cowards, too scared to take a firm stand.

These are fighting words to a 20-year war veteran. I studied more. I relented and took the position of an atheist. However, as I said, like different denominations of religious groups, so it goes with atheist and agnostics groups. I dug deeper. I still believe all the gods humans worship are nonexistent.

Once again, I categorize myself as a nonbeliever. I never felt comfortable being an atheist. Like some religions, they seem too fanatical. I do not allow myself to become fanatical about anything. Fanaticism is one reason why I wandered from my religious beliefs. A fanatic cannot see clearly. Fanatic disbelievers are no better than are blind faith followers. Extremism does not allow one to see logically.

Coming to terms

Who am I to say there are positively no gods out there somewhere? When we are able to see beyond our universe, we may know more about gods. Maybe by then we all will realize we need no god to affirm our existence. Maybe by then we will learn how to exist peacefully instead of killing each other because of our beliefs or lack of them. Maybe by then we will find the true God out there and learn why it placed us here and then forgot us. Thanks and have a pleasant day. Ray

PRAISE THE LORD, YAHWEH HATH OPENED MINE EYES

Thank God, I No Longer Peer Into the Darkness

Praise the Lord, Yahweh hath opened mine eyes and I see a light shimmering brightly ahead. Thank God, I no longer peer into darkness and no longer do I fear my convictions. A heavy burden hath been lifted from my bosom and my path glows clearly ahead.

I have found the answers to my long search for truth.

Ever since I became a born again Christian on my 24^th birthday over 47 years ago, I have sought after proof positive to my many unanswered misgivings; something beyond blind faith, something beyond, because the bible tells me so. I have always been a Doubting Thomas, and telling me to, ‘just accept it’ has never cooled my fire.

Until a few days ago, when I stumbled onto the correct pathway, I had been searching in all the wrong places. Mainly the sacred writings of the Christian’s Holy Bible, that which I now have proof, to my satisfaction,  is a blatant plagiarized myth filled with fictionalized characters. The Book is a product of man’s desire to prove to himself , as well as others, that the god of his dreams is truly a living god.

When I first became a believer all those decades ago, I was no different than other believers. I blindly and faithfully followed the doctrine of the church I joined. As I studied the bible, things I anguished over became more numerous, answers less satisfying. “Have faith Brother Ray,” became dreaded words. I was told to continue my studies; this happens to most newbie’s, I was assured.

After a few discontented years of unsatisfied answers, I gave up and became a guilt-ridden backslider. I blamed my lack of faith to be at fault. Several years ago, my desire to find truth began itching again. Now armed with the power of the internet, I renewed my search.

Still, an unsatisfying cloud hovered over me. As I studied religion after religion and learned their similarities and differences, it only reinforced my doubts. The things I originally doubted; i.e. who is God, was there really a Jesus, why was God so jealous, why did he allow, and even encourage, his people to war against one another, why is a child born a sinner, why does it appear he answers the prayers of one and not another? And the list goes on and on. This god I claimed as mine, just didn’t fit the profile he sat down for us to follow. I couldn’t see the reasoning behind His Words. They just didn’t tally.

I became a disbeliever. I feared labeling myself, (a fear installed in me as a child and reinforced when I became a believer), as an Atheist, because I still believed there was a god out there somewhere, but probably not the one described in the Book. Therefore, I chose the safer belief and considered myself an Agnostic. I still felt out of place as though I put myself in limbo. I felt sure something was amuck, not only with the Christian religion, but with all religions, they all had a familiarity about them. What I sought was there. I  just couldn’t see it.

Then, behold, there it was. I was in the process of writing a book on how I perceived my newfound beliefs as an agnostic. I researched religion clear back to prehistoric man. I thought I had conjured up a new phrase, i.e. MAN MADE GOD. So just to be on the safe side I googled it. Surprise, someone else had beet me to it. When I recovered from my depression, I began checking out these sites. And low and behold my prayers had been answered, a first for me,  even though I knew not whom I was praying to. I found a fabulous site; a young lady who has been researching and writing articles on this subject since 1995. I mean, she has gobs and gobs of them. I couldn’t consume then fast enough, and I still have a long way to go.

Now I’m convinced beyond a doubt there is no true or original religion on this planet, and probably not on any other planet. I now consider myself a firm non-believer. I’m not trying to convert anyone, and I do agree the Book is a good guide to live your life, there’s something in it for everyone, and therein lies its fallacy. If you are interested, check out the site below. It’s amazing. I wish I had found it long ago. I tell you, I’m exhilarated. I’m more excited than when I became a born again believer. I’m as a kid with a new toy.

Click here if you’re interested.   http://truthbeknown.com

Recovering from religion, who am I and who is God: PART TWO

Did God inspire the Bible's writers? You cannot prove it by me.
Yes, the Bible was written by God-fearing men, but you can't convince me they were inspired by God, no more than I am convinced that all these God-fearing people these days who say "God talked to me," or, "I talked to God," or "God wants me to do this," or, "wants me to go here or there." That's not God talking to them. They may hear a voice in their head, but it's their own voice crying out their desires. And when they do what God told them, and fail, it's "I must have misunderstood God's instructions," or "He wants me to do something else." I pity these poor souls and I realize they are only trying to do good, and that's good. Let's not put it on God. If there is a God out there, He has more important things to do; like creating more galaxies and other worlds on which to place more of His creations. I do believe there are other worlds with sentient life on them. If there is a God who created the universe, I do not believe He did it for our amusement.
I think there is a lot of misunderstanding about people believing God spoke or guided them. If I were to say, "God inspired me to write this article," I would be committed to the local nut ward before the sun sets.
And then, the Bible was edited and reedited, and even new ones were written to satisfy new religions, how many times, all by men, who may have been scholars and theologians but, assuming there is a God, who gave them the authority to select and edit God's words? Did God get it wrong the first time?
Did God speak to them and guide them along the way? Some even edited their own works. Some started their works and others finished it. Is that like starting a series such as Star Trek? Others continued it, or rewrote it. I guess God spoke to them too. It's no wonder this world is in the shape it's in; one religion slaughtering another, whole nations trying to wipe out another. And what erks me is people praying for its side to be victorious. If this is what God wants, He has to be an evil God.
Don't get me wrong, the Bible is a good guide to live your life by, even though it's riddled with many contradictions, atrocities, fables and fairy tales; it's only a guide, a great collection of short stories for children, undoubtedly a best seller. There's going to be a lot of disappointed believers when they wake up dead floating around in space in a cloud of tiny dust particles. That's a guess, not a belief.